Today I was at the Soviet-style local gym, which I have detailed in a previous post . Instead of training to smash Rocky’s skull with my 2000 psi punch, however, I am slaving away trying to burn off the extra 10 lbs of solid fat I packed on during my Hawk Wild training. It is an uphill battle, but today I realized that maybe my physique isn’t so bad after all.

I was sweating on the treadmill like a 45-year-old soccer mom about to enter Bret Michael’s dressing room, pacing myself to the rhythmic wheezing of the liver-spotted geezers on the exercise bikes, when I saw a turrible, turrible sight.

You see…weeks ago, I was walking home from the gym when I saw a fatter, Eastern European version of Tony Siragusa jumping rope on the sidewalk next to one of the busiest streets in Chicago during the middle of the day. He was easily 300 lbs and looked like he was pregnant with Octo-mom her kids, and yet he was exercising in public without a shirt. Watching his swollen belly flop around like an Italian soccer player was mesmerizing, but I avoided total hypnosis because he could only jump three or four times before he stopped for a rest. I have no idea why he was doing this abhorrent routine in public, but I will give him a pass because he’s a Euro. At the time, I admired him for exercising in order to avoid dropping dead from a heart attack before the end of the week.

Read More

A tote bag full of items, including a purse, credit cards and an iPad, were reported stolen from a vehicle in the 11700 block of Manchester Road at 6:20 p. m. on Oct. Police arrested a 20-year-old Ferguson woman in the 9900 block of Manchester Road at 3:28 p. m. on Oct. Police are holding for safekeeping a Walgreens shopping bag containing a box of insulin syringes recovered on the sidewalk in the 1100 block of North Berry Road at 2:45 p. m. on Oct. A purse containing credit cards was reported stolen at 8:41 p. m. on Oct. An employee of a business returned to the vehicle at 8:30 p. m. to find the driver's-side window shattered and the purse stolen. A driver suspected to have been under the influence of narcotics caused a three-car traffic accident at Manchester and Ballas roads at 11 a. m. on Oct. Drug tests are pending on the driver, a 30-year-old Manchester man. An Irene Court resident was the victim of telephone fraud Oct.

Read Article