So anyway, I was telling Dave about a bumper sticker that I had seen on a truck. It read, "Don't move firewood" and for the life of me I could not figure out what the hell it could possibly mean! Some nut actually took the time to have a bumper sticker made, to express his beliefs in a classic American format, and he comes up with "Don't move firewood"?!!! (I later came to understand that it is common for pests and insects to migrate from region to region via firewood bundles, hence the sticker.) Now we couldn't just leave a mystery a mystery, no, not us. We had to start screwing around and making up our own stupid bumper sticker ideas! Sadly, we didn't have the wits to right them all down, so...

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After unsuccessful attempts to return two iPods that were obtained illegally to the Apple store in the Galleria Mall, the man involved talked with his accomplice about which stores would accept returns and was arrested and charged with fraud in... A man ran into a store in the 2300 block of West Glades Road, grabbed 12 $95 Polo shirts off the counter near the door, turned around and ran back out the door to a car waiting at the curb. While a salesperson was distracted in a store in the 6000 block of West Glades Road, a thief stole a Mont Blanc ring worth $2,835 out of a glass case. A maintenance man at a hotel in the 1900 block of West Glades Road discovered that 12 cars in the northeast parking lot were burglarized overnight. A thief entered a home in the 1100 block of Northwest 13th Street while the homeowner was asleep and took her Coach purse with credit cards, cash and personal identification, two Schwinn bicycles from the screen patio, and a bag containing toilet...

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