Jess and I finally went and got my birthday present at The Sports Authority last night. We got a pair of Diamondback Mountain bikes. Mine’s a 26″ men’s model, and hers is a pink Lustre 1 (whatever that means). The salesman was a real douche, and I regret him getting a commission on our purchase, since the only thing he ’sold’ us was the kickstands that weren’t on the f’in bikes (that’s a lowclass move if you ask me). We had to wait around for like 30 minutes, while homeboy smoked a bowl in the backroom whilst pretending to attach our kickstands. Then we could only fit one bike in the PT cruiser, and my bike didn’t have enough air in the tires to ride home, so I had to make two trips.

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Over time I just wished for a more refined, transparent powerplant that was more harmonious with what is otherwise an unexpectedly refined, transparent bike. A stiff aluminum frame, cartridge fork, air-adjustable monoshock and class-leading cornering clearance let the Cross Country handle more like a super-sized sport-tourer than most touring cruisers. With its sophisticated chassis, excellent ergonomics, great air management and modern electronics, the Cross Country hardly felt like an anachronistic cruiser—until I rolled on the throttle. Traditional cues suggest American cruiser, but the creased fairing, elongated tank and stylized saddlebags leave no doubt this bike was designed in this century. It also makes a fair bit of vibration and noise, and since the SOHC, four-valve V-twin revs faster and higher than competitive pushrod powerplants, you feel and hear those power pulses more. Everything is proportional but the Cross Country still seems out-of-scale, leading to my only irreconcilable difference: size. Most Victory riders praise this feedback as evidence of an authentic American V-Twin.

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